


Hope

by Some_Dwarven_Writer



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Biotic Shepard (Mass Effect), Colonist (Mass Effect), Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I hate it, M/M, Paragon Shepard (Mass Effect), Pining, Rae is my angst boy and yes he did name himself after the angel of death, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), what a dork, working through some trauma with your boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:48:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29944713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Some_Dwarven_Writer/pseuds/Some_Dwarven_Writer
Summary: After saving Zhu's Hope Kaidan finds his commander in need of some company and a conversation partner.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Kudos: 6





	Hope

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this a very long time ago. By that, I mean about a year. I've been digging through my old work, polishing it up a bit, and publishing it recently. Hope y'all enjoy.

The sunset faded the world into hues of gray as Kaidan approached his Commander. Even in the low light, he could see the other man’s unusually peaking complexion. There was sweat on his brow, his eyes dull, and his skin was paler than normal. Shepard looked like he was caught in the beginning stages of a harsh fever. Kaidan would have to force the man to see Dr. Chakwas, once he convinced him to return to the Normandy, that is. Kaidan approached making no attempt to hide his footsteps, maybe even playing them up a bit as to not startle his Commander. Shepard wasn't known for being gentle when he was startled.

“Lieutenant,” Shepard mumbled in way of greeting, his eyes fixed out on a point far beyond the horizon. Kaidan couldn’t guess what it was, there was far too much destruction in the shattered civilization. It crumbling across the vastness that stretched out before them. The colony on Feros had been snuffed out before it could bloom into any sort of civilization. At least Zhu's Hope remained and all of its inhabitants had survived thanks to Commander Shepard’s self-sacrificial fighting style. He was really a reckless idiot sometimes. Kaidan both revered and hated that about the man. He could still remember the first time he’d seen his Commander charged a group of geth with nothing but a biotic shield wrapped about his body, a pistol in hand, and a battle-crazed smile across his full lips. It had set Kaiden’s heart racing and his mind scrambling against worry. That is until he’d peaked around the corner of his own cover to see Shepard single-handedly distracting and destroying the geth. It was magnificent. It was stupid. Kaidan supposed that was just how Commander Shepard was, a puzzle of opposing ideas all too intertwined to unravel, despite his wishes to do just that. He hadn’t expected to become friends with the Commander, that had just happened. So had everything else. Maybe that’s how Shepard was with everyone, he couldn’t know for sure. All he knew was that he hoped that wasn’t the case and that he was in some way special to the commander. He hoped that with an emotion so strong it clenched at his gut almost like jealousy. But, of course, that couldn’t be. 

“Commander,” Kaidan gave his superior officer a half-smile and held out a bottle, “Thought you could use a drink and a drinking partner.” 

For a moment, Shepard’s eyes flicked between Kaidan and the drink he’d brought, appraising them both. The tension at his brow didn’t release, nor did the tightness around his lips but the Commander did shrug and nod.

“Thank you, Kaidan,” He mumbled before taking a long sip of the far too intoxicating liquid to be gulping it down that fast. There was something wrong. There had been since they set foot on Feros. Shepard hadn’t been calm for a moment, even before the creepy blacked eyed asari mind transfer thing had sapped away his health and energy. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Straight to business, no need to beat around the bush. Neither of them would appreciate that. 

Shepard shrugged, “Not much to say.” Kaidan watched the other man carefully, he had to look past the tension in his muscles and the exhaustion in his slouched shoulders but with a bit of searching, he saw it. In Shepard’s bright eyes, in a slight upturn of his lips, Kaiden saw the contentment he’d noticed when they’d first approached Zhu’s Hope. Somehow, amid the destruction, Shepard was more at ease than Kaidan had ever seen him before. 

“You look comfortable here,” Kaidan commented averting his eyes. He’d stared too long anyway, if he kept it up he’d be noticed, “Somehow calmer than usual.” 

The Commander nodded, “Yeah. Being here reminds me of home. I grew up on a colony, you know. Mindoir,” Shepard’s attention turned on Kaidan and he did his best to pretend not to notice it, “Have you heard of Batarian Slavers?” 

Kaidan nodded slowly, “I have.”

“They’re a nasty group,” Shepard’s voice lowered to a growl, “They destroyed my colony and left me a homeless orphan until I came of age to join the Alliance.” 

Kaiden’s wide eyes watched his Commander, “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” 

Shepard shook his head, “Don’t be. I am the angel of death, after all. Where I go, death follows. That’s why I don’t get close to people anymore- or well- I try not to. You’ve made that difficult,” He flashed one of his dazzling slight smiles, “But that’s alright I suppose. You’re a good man, Kaidan and I’m glad to have known you.”

Kaidan felt himself reaching out, breaking the unspoken divide between them, and grasping Shepard’s shoulder before he could think better of it and stop himself, “So are you. Just look at what you did for Zhu’s Hope. You saved them Shepard, all of them. You’ve done great things. Your hardships on Akuz and Mindoir have molded you into a selfless and kind Commander, one who I’m proud to say I’ll follow into hell and back. You’re just the man humanity needs right now, maybe the man the universe needs. I know you’ll stop Saren because it’s you and I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself.” Silence filled in the air after the enormity of his words. It almost felt like Kaidan had been shouting them with how empty the air felt. Shepard was watching Kaidan, his expression awed but otherwise unreadable. Kaidan’s heart clenched. He hoped he hadn’t overstepped his bounds. 

After a long moment, Shepard nodded, “Rae. My friends used to call me Rae,” He reached an arm across his body, taking the hand Kaiden had put upon his shoulder and giving it a squeeze. Kaidan felt his heart hammering in his chest almost as erratically as it did whenever the Commander did something stupid in a firefight. Their eyes met and for a long moment, they sat there, unspoken questions and answers racing through their heads. When the prolonged contact had definitely lasted far too long, they both fell away from it, turning back to the skyline, “Thank you,” Shepard whispered, his voice low and rough, “You can’t imagine what it means to hear you say that.” Kaidan thought he could imagine it, actually, given his Commander had done the same exact thing to him moments earlier. 

“It’s just the truth, sir,” Kaidan shrugged.

“Yeah, hope so,” Rae agreed. 


End file.
